Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
her vagine was all disorganized.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
All the doctor said was why
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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