I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
