I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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