In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
