i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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