I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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