I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You ruined the universe
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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