Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
