I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
