I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
