a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
