I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
