I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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