im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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