Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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