She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
