all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Farmville is her only friend.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
