We're facebook friends in real life
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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