he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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