Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I've blown a few things in my day
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
