I think my vagina is haunted
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
