i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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