Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
