I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
