i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
