My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
