I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
