There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
