ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
