i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
