hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I wish life had little blips of pornography
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
