So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
