you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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