Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So much Jack, so little girl.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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