I didn't shave. On purpose
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
