If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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