I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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