we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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