I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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