If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
