Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
