Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
