walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize