when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
