u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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