Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
