I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
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