Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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