it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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