I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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