I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
