Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He better not be in your backpack
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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