She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
