I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize