last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
