he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
