Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
