So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
