He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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