the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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