I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
