8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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