just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
