On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
