i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize