I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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