it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
