So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
