it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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