Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
