do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
