Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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